Hello again – just when you think things will remain the same as before, you get thrown for a loop! Here I was, expecting my last of the AC chemo treatment to go as planned….not many issues, typical nausea and exhaustion but this? No, this was completely different. This one hit me harder than the others. Depression, nausea, exhaustion, nausea, more exhaustion…..more nausea, it’s like a vicious cycle that you can’t break. Now – I refuse to complain much because I know just how difficult others have it and I consider myself lucky to be able to even be able to be typing this to you right now…..but my goodness, this weekend was rough!
I have a three-week break until my next chemo on July 8th and I am really excited. It’s amazing what I get excited about these days. Each morning I wake up and cringe while waiting to see how I feel…..in a few days, I am praying I feel back to normal for the most part. My sister, Suzy, my cheerleader, constantly reminds me……”you will be ok in a few days”, yet I have a difficult time believing those words when I feel like I want to throw in the towel and give up. Thank God for her….my husband and my parents – seriously. Their patience is remarkable.
So, now I have my best friend’s wedding on July 2nd. Maid of Honor…yep, that’s me. Now, a year ago when we discussed this wedding, obviously life was “normal”. I didn’t have to wear a wig to her wedding, I would feel great and all would be beautiful in the world. Well, this will be a bit different but I am praying that I will feel great and be the best maid of honor I can be for Stephanie. I am really excited about it though – and just want to feel “normal”. Let’s talk about wigs for a moment, shall we?
So I have a few wigs at this point. My first wig – $3800 – and I barely can stand to wear it. It’s all natural hair blah blah blah but doesn’t make me feel special. It makes me feel like I am wearing a wig. The kicker is…..thank GOD my insurance covered it for me, but this wig is the closest thing to what my “hair” pre-chemo looked like and I don’t like wearing it. The other two, forget it….they make me feel like 1982 called and Jaclyn Smith wants her hair back….then there is my favorite…..my absolute life saving wig….my sister bought for me. It’s a halo. Yes, exactly what it sounds like….it goes around your head and the hair hangs normally but doesn’t cover the top of you head, so you have to wear a hat…any hat. AND IT LOOKS AMAZING! Best, gift….EVER. Did I mention it’s blonde? Yes!
So today is day 4 since my last chemo and I am starting to feel a bit human again. The nausea creeps up on me from time to time but I am just happy to have this three week break. I make it sound scary, which I truly try not to, but it is scary, all of this. I can’t wait for it to be over. As usual, thanks for listening (reading). xoxoxoxo
lovelightandbreastcancer 