Just need to vent….

Chemo treatment 2…..NOT SO GREAT!   This will be short but there are a few things I want to remember and hey, this is my blog, right?

I woke up not feeling well today.  “You will not have your menstrual cycle, most likely, ever again, Nancy” the doctors and infusion nurses told me.  Yeah….ok.  That started Monday but of course by today, I feel my worst.  So when I woke up this morning, it was the first day in exactly 10 days that I felt like I couldn’t get out of bed.  Perhaps partially anticipatory, I get it, but I just felt sick.  But I did get up, I did shower, I did jump in the car with Stefano and head to Fox Chase for my blood work, friendly visit with the Physician’s Assistant Zach – and in for my infusion.

The minute I sat down in the infusion room, I told my husband I wanted to leave.  The amount of pressure this poor man has to deal with is unreal.  I HATE having to put him and everyone else around me through this.  My mother is just incredible, by the way.  That woman cleaned the entire house including every single thing in my bedroom (linens, sheets, laundry) so that I could come home and get right into bed.  She is just amazing and I hope that anyone that knows her will tell her so, for me, for themselves for being blessed to know this incredible woman and that she knows just how special she is.  To avoid putting the people I love around me in a situation where they see I am not feeling well, I do what I do best…..I smile……and I live life mostly happily.  I walk the dogs; I go shopping; I sing lol and I put lip gloss on.  Today?  Not so much.

Back to the infusion room….I took Tylenol….I had my steroid and lovely anti-nausea cocktail consisting of Aloxi and Emend.  The first infusion was a walk in the park.  I now know this….because today I was weepy….and totally down the entire time.  But here I am…..I just took compazine and might even be daring and take a Xanax or even better, ativan to sleep.

Oh, one more fun thing…..the hair loss; it’s real, it’s here…it is happening NOW.

Here’s my rant and then I promise to be finished:

You get diagnosed with breast cancer after a lump YOU found yourself and truly believed was nothing because it hurt and “cancer doesn’t hurt”…yeah…ok.  THEN, you have the biopsy…..get diagnosed with those horrible 3 words…..you go see endless doctors until you find the team you trust.  I was blessed with my team.  THEN – you have surgery, go through that trauma of a double mastectomy but hey, you handle it like a champ! 🙂 and find out you need to have 8 sessions of chemo……2 sessions down as of today – 25% done lol and the hair is now falling out and I feel nauseous as hell even though I took all my meds just like two weeks ago.  THIS ENTIRE EFFIN PROCESS SUCKS AND IS UNFAIR AS HELL and I need to get it off my……I’ll say it..chest.  Thanks for reading……sorry – I promise the positive attitude WILL be back in a few days.  xoxoxo