January, 2016 – The Beginning…

In January, 2016, on any other normal morning before work, I found it.  I found what has significantly changed my life and the lives of those I love…..a lump on my right breast.  Of course, the panic set in immediately, but the interesting factor was that it was painful.  “Cancer doesn’t hurt”…I have heard this so many times that I truly did not think that I had anything to be concerned about.  But…off to the doctor I went!

I saw my OBGYN and he was convinced it was absolutely nothing but to be safe, he sent me to radiology for an ultrasound.  I was a little nervous but my doctor was so reassuring that it was nothing!  The technician took what seemed like ONE picture and left the room. Of course, that seemed strange and disturbing but I still didn’t think much of it.  A minute later the technician and the radiologist appeared.  I was told by the radiologist that they do not like what they see and that I need a biopsy.  It is quite possible that I went deaf and blind momentarily…..

Every emotion went through me at that very moment.  I left that office that day with absolutely zero clue of what to do with myself, so I did what I do best – I called my sister Suzanne!!!  Of course, she immediately reassured me that all would be fine EITHER WAY and I calmed down.  So I thought….

In typical fashion for me – I called my husband and he immediately said he wanted to meet me for lunch.  We went to P.F. Changs and the second our eyes met when he walked in, I lost it.  “It” being every emotion I didn’t even know existed came out.  He was perfect.  Amazing even.  You never truly realize someone’s strengths and weaknesses until possible tragedy strikes.  By the time I left that restaurant, all was good in the world again.

I went down to Florida to be with my sister and my parents before my biopsy.  GREAT decision!  Great time and a lot of laughter; just what I needed!

January 20 – the day of the biopsy.  My husband Stefano took me and I was a wreck!  I was terrified of the unknown for sure.  Let’s just say, the biopsy was scary and the effects on my body were definitely interesting but I survived and was completely convinced it was nothing!

January 22, 2016 at 12:10 pm – I got the phone call from my OBGYN!  He called, I was happy to hear his voice.  Mind you, I was getting ready and packed to go away with Stefano for the weekend and we were really excited!  I even said “HI DOC!!”.  And then I heard his voice, his tone….his sadness – genuine sadness.  “Nancy, I’m sorry – the results came back and you have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma”.  At that very moment, I went numb but was not really sure what that meant.  WHAT THE HELL IS INVASIVE DUCTAL CARCINOMA, I thought!  “Dr. – what does that mean?  Do I have cancer?”, I asked.  “Yes, I am so sorry, Nancy.  I would’ve bet my house and life on it that it was not cancer”, he said.

I hung up on him, I think.  I still don’t remember.  I sent a text to my sister telling her I needed her.  She called.  I told her.  When we hung up…I went outside on my back porch and cried ( I am not an emotional person that way – I don’t cry much…..I laugh a lot more and smile most of the time, luckily) – I cried loudly, from a place I didn’t know existed.

I called my best friend, Stephanie.  I called my husband and told him I needed him to come home.  I crawled up in a ball with my three dogs in my bedroom and just cried.  Once Stefano got home…I cried for another 30 minutes on his chest and was told I needed to go pick up my pathology report (they wouldn’t fax it to me or email it to me, jerks!).  So, I went to my OBGYN’s office and picked it up alone.  I cancelled my trip to Mountain Creek…..we had a huge snow storm and I came to terms with the fact that I had cancer.

Phew…..my sister Sue….my angel, rock, inspiration and warrior!  She wasted NO time.  While I was numb and going with the flow – she called Cancer Centers….she was on the internet 24/7; she didn’t sleep or eat.  She was a source of knowledge better than any doctor, book, website or old-school encyclopedia could  have been for me…..

In the meantime – my husband and I visit a local oncologist.  She told me the worst news.  She told me she was immediately having me get an intense dose of chemotherapy for 4 months or so (I think, don’t quote me!) and I was beside myself.  It didn’t make sense. My tumor was grade 3, stage 1 (1.9 cm).  Why did I need chemotherapy first?  She said it was standard practice.  It was terrifying.

A week later, (February 4) Sue, Stefano and I headed to another cancer center in NJ.  The news was pretty much the same.  We had one more appointment for the following day at another cancer center in PA, but I was not even up for going….I had my second opinion.  There was no need to hear this bad news one more time……

We decided to go anyway!  It was snowing like crazy when we left that morning….but let me say, it was meant for us to go.  We went to Fox Chase Cancer Center – my saving grace!  I met with Dr. Richard Bleicher……and his team.  AMAZING.  They felt Chemotherapy was NOT the way to go to start with….and we scheduled my surgery for March 24, 2016.  When I left there, when WE left there – we all felt relieved…sure of our decision and just….as if we could finally breathe.  My sister slept that afternoon…..for the first time in weeks.  It was a great feeling!  I was unsure of what I was going to do (double mastectomy or just a lumpectomy with radiation) at that point, but knew the answers would come…….

I returned to work that Monday and had a different feeling about everything.  Yes, I was afraid of what was to come, but I was confident about Fox Chase and that made me feel GOOD!  I continued living every single day as if nothing was wrong with me….and it was wonderful!  In my heart I was fully aware that I had breast cancer…I needed surgery to get rid of it but I knew I was strong enough to do this!  And so it began……